One Month

Today has been a pretty good day. Today, I picked up my One Month chip. I’ve maintained my physical sobriety for one month. In today’s meeting, someone emphasized that our problem is three-fold: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

I’ve never had a problem with a physical challenge. After some time as an Infantryman in the Army, I can power through just about physical challenge or barrier. Two years ago I ran a Tough Mudder race (a half marathon with crazy obstacles) with zero training, all because Grace picked up an extra entry for free. A few years before that, I ran a half marathon with about 10 days of training. Physical challenges are just as much mental as physical.
Emotionally, I’m struggling. I’m growing, but struggle with anything to do with emotions. I learned from my counselor a few years ago that I can really only identify TWO of the core emotions. Since I can’t identify them, I lump them either into Happy or Angry. I’m starting to identify fear, shame, and guilt, but I’m a long way from having consistent positive reactions to emotions I can barely identify.

Spiritually, I don’t know where I stand. I was born and raised in a family that was at church any time the doors were open. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening, every special event or potluck… Christians are the most judgemental, un-Christ-like people on the planet. I’ve nearly rejected all forms of religion as hoaxes. I have no idea how to commit to accepting a Higher Power in this program.

Despite 31 days of success, this three-fold problem (physical, emotional, and spiritual) is going to take a lot of work for me. And all the while, I’ll keep saying:

“Hi, I’m John, and I’m thankful for another day of sobriety.”